One thing our recoveries must include to have any chance of being effective is honesty. I have been trying to rationalize my way out of being honest with someone about a situation that hurt me deeply.
Sometimes, when we are hurt, we try to do anything and everything to run away from the pain. Or we lash out at the person who caused the pain, or we can simply shut down entirely. I have run the gamut of these emotions. And have arrived at the end of it, stuck, because I feel like I must be truthful, but have rationalized my way out of it due to fear.
“Fear of what?” I keep asking myself. Fear of other’s opinions? Well, let’s take that apart for a moment. What can others do to me? What is the worst thing that can happen? God and His word teaches us not to fear other people, but Him. I’m not talking fear such as cowering in a corner, but reverence for our creator God. The people I associate with have no power over whether I can draw breath or not, and they cannot tell me whether I have worth or not. Only God has the power, thus He alone is to be revered, or feared, if you will. So keeping this perspective serves me well in putting this to rest.
Fear of pain also enters the conversation. But do I continue to push down the pain in avoidance and rationalization? Or do I face the potential pain, which will be momentary, of embracing my truth? Some are fond of saying they are going to pull on their “big girl panties” and git ‘r done. If I am prayerful, and the pain continues to intensify with my present action or lack of it, then I need to examine a change of course. This means stepping out in faith. Understanding that it is what it is. And remembering that God hasn’t left me yet, and promises not to.
The consequences for continued inaction for the elements in my life that are not being addressed are a continued slide toward toxicity and my colors fading back to gray. Is fear worth the price? Nope. I know what to do. And I must do it, before my life goes from Technicolor to a black and white re-run.
And guess what folks? It’s okay to have hard stuff that puts you through it. If your recovery is all roses and sunshine and sparkly unicorns, you might want to take a closer look. Because we are human and struggle, things will come up that feel like they are going to break us in two. But because of God, our tools and each other, it is a passing storm, not the end of the world.
One of the greatest things ever told to me in early recovery, that set me free from many of my fears was this: nothing is the end of the world, except the end of the world.
Thank you, Lord Jesus.