Life is very interesting. It’s kind of like dance lessons. You have the steps down and you are counting them out, get a rhythm going and then the music changes, or you get a cramp in your foot.
Our recoveries are that way, too. Sometimes we think we have a good step progression in place, but then we get a “cramp” or the beat changes, and we must change our movement, or risk falling flat on our faces. Or bums, whichever you prefer.
Such is the case for me. In my recovery, I know I need to switch it up, and do something a little different, I just need to figure out how to make it happen. And I am getting better at using my group and recovery folks to hold me accountable for change I need to make, otherwise I will weasel my way out of making change in favor of the familiar.
So right now, I am working some stuff out, and it isn’t really comfortable, and I wish I was on that “other side” where I have something poetically victorious to share, but instead, all I can say is that some of the less pleasant emotions of recovery are a lot like the movie Finding Nemo. In one particular scene, Marlin (Nemo’s dad) and Dori are on their way to Sidney to find Nemo, and have been told in order to continue the journey, they must travel through a deep, dark trench. But there is room to go over the trench. However, they were told specifically to go through it, not over. Marlin disregards the instruction and they head toward the light and the surface, believing it safer than following the instructions. The result? They end up in a bad environment that nearly kills one of our main characters.
Why? Because they did not want to travel through what looked like a dark and scary place. Our emotions can seem that way, and often we will look for ways to avoid provoking any upset to our carefully constructed apple cart. Hence, we wind up getting stung by the triggers and undealt-with issues that we are side-stepping and swimming over, if you will.
Proceeding through the trench is my ONLY option. Obedience is my ONLY option. I can make other choices, but none of them will effect the changes I need to see in my recovery, and could, no, will leave me injured and feeling helpless. The recovery saying goes “I am free to make whatever choices I want, but I am not free from the consequences of those choices.” Ah! How true!
Forward we go, knowing that God is already there, gently guiding, leading and with help available. Thankfully, I have had 2 texts already this week encouraging me on my path. He shows up, and I am truly grateful.