So here I am. Faced with the conviction that I have been recklessly using grace and a desire to “hole-up” as an excuse to run away from writing and working on this blog. My mind was brought back to a time about a year ago where I would actually stay up past 10:30 pm on a work night to make an entry, even a short one, just to make certain something got written. My passion and determination were solid. Now, I feel as though I have traded my pursuit of recovery through this blog for a bag of weak excuses.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There is such a thing as taking self-care time. And for pursuing excellence instead of perfection, which no one can live up to and has you defeated before you begin. No, I willingly admit to my recent pursuit of mediocrity and my “just get through the day” attitude.
This kind of living produces a mentality that looks a lot like a plow horse or mule that hauls packs down the Grand Canyon. It turns us from remarkable humans made in the image of God into beasts of burden…many burdens, in fact.
I want my passion and fire back. The kind that drives me forward, spins my head around and makes me shout out a thank you to God. The kind that pulls apart a concept in a new and creative way and can communicate it because God wants it out there for people to consider and have the light snapped on it in a new and exciting way. The passion that, when I express it to others can bring me to happy tears, because I know I am doing I was made to do, not just what I have to do.
Dearest Lord Jesus, relight the flame that once burned bright and clear. Heat up and melt the hardened deposits around my heart and propel me forward into your will, and keep me willing to be willing. In Your name and by Your grace, which I understand, came at a great price. Thank you, Lord Jesus.
Let’s do this… 😉