Frustration and Fences

Frustration. Sometimes this can be hard to define, hard to pin down and even harder to deal with. For me, it can appear as a gnat, darting furtively about, never getting quite close enough to smack, yet annoyingly present, causing a low-level irritation that I cannot get a handle on.

I feel like that’s where I’ve been at lately. No true light-bulb inspiration to write, things I want to accomplish have fences and speed bumps around every corner and I physically feel tired.

Is it God’s will that I am seeking or my own? Have I stopped to listen to His direction, or am I so certain in my own thinking that I am now pushing against the current?

So, I am digging in my utility drawer for the fly strips, looking for what will get rid of this ongoing bother. Yet all I come up with are handfuls of humility, gratitude and contentment.

What?!?

God, I ask, how am I to swat these annoying feelings of impatience and irritation away with such quietness?

He answers back with Psalm 46:10 “Stop fighting,” He says, “and know that I am God.”

Fighting the human urge to roll my eyes, I know in my heart this is wisdom, but my impatience fights against this simple answer. I know it is my choice, whether to submit my need to drive myself toward my own goals or to God’s leading, or even to seek it. My programs and desires to feel productive and worthy are not necessarily God’s direction and plan for my life.

When was the last time I just sat in His presence? Good question. It’s so easy for me to charge on ahead, and because He loves me so, He lets me, knowing I will at some point come to the end of myself, and decide I am not God, He is. I think I’ll let Him do the leading.

Reminding myself that I have such lovely perfect peace when I surrender to His will and not my own, when I allow Him to open the doors for me, instead of yanking on the doorknobs or kicking them in.

Dearest Lord Jesus, thank you for your immeasurable patience with me, may I emulate it in showing mercy and grace with myself and others today. I need Your plans, Your direction, Your will in my life today, for you have my best interest at heart.

Much Love

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