Woke up nice and early on a Saturday morning. Really early. Thinking about many things, several of which I could write about, but God had specific issues in mind for this entry. Okay, so up and at ‘em, coffee made and drank, breakfast eaten, and off to the races.
Many have heard the term PINK CLOUD as it pertains to recovery. This is the first blush of travelling or having made it through my 12 steps, feeling the burst of freedom and clean-ness that comes from a thorough accounting of where I’ve been and where I’m at. Good friends around me and I am eager to see each new day, happy to be alive. This can last anywhere from 1-3 years or so, depending on the individual.
In our case, it lasted a little over 3 years, and the pink bubble we had been enjoying was popped by the death of a close family member. In walked an intense grief that took every tool our family had and required us to find new ones.
We found that there were new layers and chapters to be written in recovery. Some of the journey in the early days following the death was quite painful, and not because of the grief, but because the grief uncovered resentments, character flaws and things that had been long-buried.
Sometimes, the pink cloud kind of just dissipates, and one finds that they are angry about nothing. Things are just kind of meh, and they are not as thrilled with this whole recovery thing as they once were. Maybe new problems or habits have popped up.
When the pink cloud is a memory, without a traumatic event, it can seem as though the shine is off the recovery apple. You go to meetings out of habit, rather that out of genuine enjoyment. This is actually when it’s time to reassess where things are at in your recovery journey. In our case, the onion layers felt like they were being burned off by grief and there was not much choice except to either run or deal.
In dissipation mode, one can ignore and allow the vague feeling of meh to continue, or dive deeper into the program, and look at other issues. Our relationships with others may be out of whack. We may have traded one addiction for another (no longer drink, but sugar is now an issue, no longer participate in self-harm, but zoning out on social media to the exclusion of real relationships, etc). There are a lot of places we can pursue recovery. This is a lifestyle that I have embraced, not just a self-improvement program. Thus, for the rest of my life, I will be looking to pick up better habits to replace the destructive (or less-constructive) habits that dog me.
All this to say, watch for complacency. Do not be fooled. Your (fill-in-the-blank addiction) is doing push-ups just off camera waiting for you to take this all for granted.
8 Be alert, be on watch! Your enemy, the Devil, roams around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Be firm in your faith and resist him
1 Peter 5:8-9a Good News Translation (GNT)
Love you all. ❤
Grief can be a potent derailer of recovery; great entry on the topic
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