Arms-length

Early in my recovery process, I felt quite vulnerable. Even with my growing number of recovery tools, accountability partners and friends. And while still living in my stuff/dysfunction, I felt downright naked, without much covering at all. Let me explain.

Before I found recovery (or it found me, however you want to approach it), I went through a series of disastrous events, much like we all do. These, in hindsight, are designed to bring us to a critical point of realization for the need of the steps, of our powerlessness and that we can do nothing outside of a systematic dependence on God’s power.

For me, one such episode was kneeling at the foot of a dried-out Christmas tree after my ex-husband was exited from our lives by court order due to abuse. All my enabling and denial and secret prayers for my ex’s demise had not brought about a tidy resolution, and I was left to put away the ornaments alone, watching the tree shed copious amounts of crispy pine needles onto the shabby carpet. My heart broke, and I cried, but not because I knew I needed recovery. Unfortunately, I would have a few more miles of suffering and pain yet to travel. I shed tears for my loneliness and the feeling that God was far from me.  Why hadn’t he stopped all this from happening?

What I can see now, that I couldn’t see then, was that God WAS there, and that His beautiful wings had formed a protective, loving shield around me. Soft, gentle but not visible to me at the time. They locked out some of the more dire, awful things that could have befallen someone in my circumstance. He most certainly was within arms-reach, but my sorrow and self-pity kept me from reaching out and taking comfort in His protection. Recovery has shown me how, even when things are hard, to avail myself of His comfort. To look up, and see those wings locked around me. That even when things seem dark, lonely and sad, He is never more than an arm’s length away, if even that far, and if I can resist the urge to wallow in self-pity, I can rest in the mightiness of those beautiful wings.

Wherever you are, whatever assails you beloved, know that His wings of love will lock around you, and protect you. His love never fails. That I am here to write this is a testament to the power of what I have experienced. May you see great blessings in the year ahead.

Much love, always.

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