Attended a meeting tonight. It was a usual Monday night, in that I typically attend a meeting for recovery from my issues that I struggle with, such as using food inappropriately, and a tendency to act out in a codependent manner.
The message was a teaching on relapse and the importance of prayer and meditation time. Someone else shared personal struggles as well, which were easily relate-able to most listening in attendance.
Then came small group time. Each person shared as usual, and it came my turn. I praised the speaker for a job well-done (even though he wasn’t in the room to hear my encouragements) and related my thoughts on his subject matter. It was then that it got real.
Relapse is typically a matter between you, God and your sponsor. It usually starts, though, as an attitude of the heart. And it shows itself by our tendency to hide, blame shift (see: Adam and Eve) or downplay the importance of our issues or struggles. This happens way before the first drink or dysfunctional behavior/action.
As I relay this in group, it starts spilling out of me (along with some tears) that my work life today was unpleasant. No, it was downright horrible. I felt like crumpled aluminum foil that I had tried to flatten back out for the sake of looking okay for the meeting and polite company. But, like jello through fingers, my grief could not be contained and I came apart. This is not a usual happening for me. But it was needed. Being real and not hiding is what I am here for, or why bother, right?
The next person started to share and stopped, and instead began to pray for me. This also was not a usual happening but instead, an act of grace. Sometimes you go a little off the script and let the spirit move. Christ is faithful and loving, and His comfort was palpable.
Afterwards, all I could feel was peace. Peace in my heart, mind and spirit. That, my friends, is how this works. Laying bare our egos and our hearts and allowing God to use someone’s prayers to dig at the poisoned root of our burden and griefs, and letting the spirit lift it away.
Yeah. That happened. And I give thanks.