It’s early. Really early. And I am laying in bed, with a migraine headache. Again. Trying to think of what I did to cause the pain now demanding my full attention.
God and I then start talking. “yeah, I know” I tell Him. “I ate crap yesterday as I felt sorry for myself instead of using my tools of recovery.” I know I deserve what I get, sarcastically rewording the verse “spare the rod, spoil the inner-child”. But instead, I feel God gently tell me to give myself grace, the same grace I extend to others, but I have a hard time extending to myself. He nudges me to think about what I might do differently, instead of getting out the ruler to slap my palms; my body is already meting out the consequence of my decisions of yesterday.
You see, that is who the Creator of our hearts is. He is about seeing us do better, and knows that we already are uncomfortable in our wreckage. There is no need for us to look to Him for further brow-beating as we may have been accustomed to from our family of origin or those we have been familiar with in the past. Insult to injury is typically not a great motivator for change and improvement. It serves mostly just to compound our shame, and to look for ways to hide our failure.
Missing the mark, or not sticking to my plan is an opportunity for me to dig deeper into why. What’s going on in my world that I am not willing to stay with something I have decided on? Is it a temporary deviation that couldn’t be helped? Or, like the canary in the coal mine, is it something more serious that requires my attention and some specific recovery work?
We’ve all heard it said “Hurt people hurt people.” Well, that goes for ourselves as well. When I’m hurting, even subconsciously, and I act out using food or behaving in a way that is off my recovery plan, then I am hurting myself and potentially others. I can use my behavior as my barometer. It helps me see where I am at emotionally and spiritually. If I don’t notice that I am off the path, then I need trusted friends in recovery to gently remind me where the path is. We all do, and that is yet another reason we don’t do recovery alone. We need each other.
As I peel yet another layer back, I encourage each of us to continue in fellowship with each other to encourage and be willing to be encouraged by others. The goal? Simply this: (see Micah 6:8) “He has made it clear to you, mortal man, what is good and what the LORD is requiring from you— to act with justice, to treasure the LORD’s gracious love, and to walk humbly in the company of your God.”
Have a lovely day my friends. Much love. ❤