As my new chapter in my recovery journey has been unfolding, I have been challenged to keep up on all that my life is about. Mostly feeling a nagging sense that my writing is being neglected. For being someone that does not have small people at home anymore, I am surprisingly busy almost all the time. But mostly that means I am needing to be more intentional about those things which are important.
This last Saturday, I sat in my new recovery group, and we were encouraged to take 5 minutes to meditate on something, a step, our higher power, something. Then write it down. I felt at that moment quite convicted, as I really hadn’t spent a quiet 5 minutes in meditation in so long I had trouble remembering when the last time it was. Ouch.
So, as quietness filled the space, my brain settled down. And I humbly asked God to reveal to me what He would. I saw a picture of myself, huddled around the rough-hewn cross, sobbing in regret and remorse for my sinful past, and letting Christ wash away the guilt and shame. But as I stood up, I was covered in black wood splinters. They itched and caused me quite a bit of discomfort as splinters will, and God spoke to my heart, and said that as I walked forward, toward the light of sanctification and recovery, the splinters would slowly work their way out of my skin and the discomfort would be gone.
You see, the splinters, to me, represent the things that I hold onto. The things of this world, that Christ allowed himself to be sacrificed for to cleanse me of. But it’s my choice to hang on to the splinters, or to move forward and allow them to be worked out by good habits, using my recovery tools and seeking time with God through prayer and meditation.
There can be lots of reasons why we hang on to our misery, and allow the splinters to fester under our skin. Whether it’s a misguided attempt to show how truly sorry we are for our behavior, denial, or because we just can’t face the next step, Christ reaches His hand out for ours, leading us on toward true healing and release.
The cross? It was only the start of our redemption story. We are each a work in progress, and He looks forward to watching us become what He designed us to be, in love. Using the steps, we get a little closer every day.
So grateful that even when I am a huddled mess, God is present and His love envelops me like a warm blanket.
Much love my friends. 💗