I have been engaging my recovery at ground level lately, which hasn’t left a whole lot of time for reflection and blogging. It’s just been where things are at lately, and I know that as I push through the slog, more things will appear and be ready for digestible dissemination.
There have been several frustrating things on my plate lately, and I have felt a bit pressed. When I get pressed, and am frustrated, I tend toward running toward mindless entertainment during my down-time, such as TV or just scrolling my social media feeds.
This does nothing for my recovery, or much of anything else in my life, but lately I have been feeling it a little more acutely. So, I did attend a new group on Saturday. It is a very traditional 12-step fellowship and I am willing to give it a try, just to see if it can help me find peace and serenity with respect to my food issues. This is in addition to another 12-step based group I attend during the week. I am not satisfied with my progress to date, and need to press in harder. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
As I take this step, necessary as it is, I am scared and want to run and hide in mindless pursuits. It is my well-worn coping mechanism and shows me that there are things in this season of my life that I need to address, such as apathy, rebellion and anger. These are complex emotions that won’t just evaporate because I wish them away. They are dealt with in walking the steps and working a program.
My entries therefore will be sporadic, but I will share as I am able about the progress, because I am a lifer in this process. Even when I don’t feel it, even when I am tired or just disgusted with myself. I will get up tomorrow, Lord willing, and start anew to work through my issues. Once my problems are identified, help me to focus on the Problem solver, not the ongoing drama of negativity that likes to grab center stage.
Lord God, if I am to know more victory in my life, cause me to grasp hold of the power only You can provide. I need Your precious love and grace to provide the oomph to my faith and my recovery process. I am grateful for the miracles that have already happened, but we aren’t even close to done. Lord God. I submit to every change you want to make in my life.
Thank you, Lord Jesus. Amen.