One of the struggles I have is with step three. For those of us that need a refresher, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Of course, God for me is just that, God, maker of heaven and earth, and His son Jesus, who is my savior. Plain, simple and to the point.
What isn’t so simple, is that no matter how many times I visualize myself placing my cares and struggles into a basket or bag and handing them over to His care and control, there are times when I am so caught up in my over-thinking that I seem to be incapable of resisting the urge to snatch it back. Such is my case last night and this morning as we contemplate whether to consider finding a different home, due to our family circumstances. Nights like these my mind whirls along like a NINJA blender that’s blown a fuse, and I get 3 hours sleep. There is absolutely nothing to be done about any of this of course, but my brain is not listening.
Then, I spend time reading, praying and talking about my anxiousness. And slowly, it begins to dissipate. Not because it doesn’t exist, or because I have found the solution, but because I have chosen to allow God to help me release my need to find a solution right this minute. Folks, unless someone is choking to death or on fire, most of the time, we have an opportunity to step back and breathe, and take our time in asking for God to make our choices clear to us.
As I walk in recovery and believe that the process will work and walk it out, it’s AMAZING how this actually does take hold of the anxiety monster and place it in a cage. I am given charge of the key, and can let it out to run rampant at any moment, but God says I can instead choose to allow Him to show me the next move to make, if I can trust the maker of the universe and of my heart. Sometimes I do well with this, and sometimes I glance back, feel pity for the monster and unlock his cage. He then tramples over everything like a cheap 60’s horror movie. But it’s always my choice.
This is not to disrespect anyone who struggles with a diagnosed anxiety disorder. I have one too, and that is why I use my steps to try and maintain my calm. My anxiety can spiral up fast, and if the chemical part of the disorder kicks in, then I am faced with needing to treat it with medication. I have found through using my steps I can avoid this level of anxiety most of the time.
However, I am a strong believer in complimentary therapies and also the individual. What works for me may not work so great for you, and anyone taking medication for any health issue whatsoever should consult their healthcare provider before altering the recommended therapy. People are unique in their body chemistry, and I do not begin to understand it, just know that the steps and tools are here to help, and that regardless of your challenges, you are precious and loved.
All this to say, we are all in this together, even though we have different backgrounds and stories, and may face different kinds of hardships, we can all share, love and honor each other on the journey. This honors God, and in turn we honor and love ourselves, allowing us to be able to show more love to others.
Peace to you all tonight.