Reading through some of my journals from a few years ago. Ouch and wow. Ouch, because it is painful to see how self-absorbed I was in my approach to recovery. My entries are rife with self-pity, self-doubt, just…self. I guess that is how a child operates, and when we first enter recovery, we are a lot like children in a sense. I have heard it said that we have to begin again to learn how to feel and appropriately process and respond to situations, because the addiction and dysfunction process stunts or halts our growth in these areas.
Reviewing these entries, and dealing with my family members who are in recovery bears this out. Grace is needed here, because sometimes my progress will be leaps and bounds, bells and whistles, hooray! And sometimes, it is inch by painful inch, each part a difficult, grueling exercise in self-discipline. Both are valid, and both are to be respected. These milestones in our journey are necessary; as we go forward, our emotions and approach to life will mature.
Soon, we are sponsoring and giving back, the focus no longer on self, but on others as it pertains to sharing the path and lending a hand. This will further us on our road to emotional and spiritual maturity.
When I am working with a sponsee or sharing with an accountability partner, there are times I am quite amazed at what God has coming out of my mouth. Because I can tell you, it’s not me saying most of that stuff, I’m not that smart. God takes the misery and lessons and uses it as we are willing to pass it on. He will translate it for the listener. Like Moses, we can get caught up in the “I’m not a great speaker” feeling and so on. I really am not a good speaker, but I’m willing to let God use me as one. I look at it like this: if I don’t have a lot of natural talent, then it can only be God that causes any good or helpful thing to come out of me.
Willing, ready, yielded. Dear Lord, use me as you will to take this message to those who need to hear it.