In recovery, we will have bumpy road. It’s not a case of if the road is bumpy. It just will be bumpy. Kind of like those old-time westerns, where people are riding a wagon train, and you watch the wagon pitch and rock as the horses pull the wooden wheels over the hard-rutted ground. Some days in recovery, and in life, are just like that.
I have experienced disturbance over things which I have no control over, and which I cannot fix. The big book says “There are some wrongs that we can never fully right. We don’t worry about them if we can honestly say that we would right them if we could.”
I believe here we see submission in action. I will submit the matter to God’s care, asking Him to show me where and if further action on my part is indicated. Otherwise, I need to release the worry and anxiety over trying to make everything and everyone shiny and happy. Because that isn’t how life is. It’s messy and crazy, and that’s why we have recovery and need God’s help.
Sometimes my over-imaginative brain gets caught up though, in trying to smooth everything over. It’s actually a part of my addiction to control. And the more it asserts itself, the more emotional and fear-ridden I become.
But that is exactly when I must remember that it is what I know, and not how I feel, that counts. I concentrate on the promises of my program, and shut out the external distractions to the extent I am able. It’s somewhat like the way scuba divers are trained, that should they become disoriented underwater, to watch for where the bubbles go…they travel up, toward the surface.
So that is what I have had to do the last few days. Follow the bubbles. God made them and I trust they lead me to the surface.
So grateful for my recovery and you my dear friends. Have a restful evening.