So, I was remarking to the spouse that I have felt a bit dry and uninspired of late. My brain is tired. In fact, I am going to head out of town in a few days to get a little break from the routine of work, family and more work.
Never a one to miss an opportunity to “inspire me”, he tilted his head a bit, and reminded me of an incident in our home just yesterday that sent me into a bit of a spin. First, a little background. We have family in our home right now that do not subscribe to recovery or our view on spirituality, no matter how many friendly discussions we have about the subject. But, they are family and we are doing our best to help in light of the circumstances. However, when space is shared with those not in recovery, things can get “crispy” (to quote a speaker I heard recently) pretty fast.
Here is the story. When we moved into our house, it was freshly painted with designer colors by the prior owner as part of their attempt to stage it to sell. They look okay, so we have been using the cans of paint he left to touch up the dings in the walls since. Well, one of our occupants here at the house decided to combine some of the paint because some of the cans were nearly empty. Of course, because the colors are similar but different, it can be hard to tell which is what, and now I have no hope of even taking the dried leftovers to the hardware store to get another quart for retouching. I just couldn’t figure out why someone would do this.
But what should I do? How should I react? What is my best response, considering my recovery and the fact that the other party has no idea what recovery even looks like, other than what they see of me? So, I breathe in and out. I remind myself that it’s only material things, and that really none of it belongs to me anyway. I’m merely a steward of God’s provision in my little world. This helps me to pull back from the controlling, anger-fuelled rant that I want to unleash on anyone that will listen, and really never say anything to the offending party, because that’s just how us rampaging codependents roll.
Ahhh? See? You know what I mean. When someone steps on our toes, or offends us in invading our territory, we rarely let them have it in the teeth. Instead, we get on the phone or online and tell everyone else our tale of woe and get tea and sympathy. I still struggle with this in my work life, because often times it is not appropriate to tell someone they shouldn’t talk to you like that. Also, “I feel hurt when you behave that way.”
It is still an act of submitting to God everything and everyone I can’t control, which is all of it, except for my response, and even then I am dependent on His power and loving kindness to get me through.
Dear Lord Jesus, help us all as we struggle with those in our lives that we do not have the power to change, and give us the strength to submit to the changes you want to make in our lives. Amen!
Have a wonderful evening.