The fog is lifting. Slowly. Migraine cycles are no fun, as anyone out there can attest. But as I bubble back up from this latest episode, I realize I have to get busy writing once again.
In pursuing the path of recovery, sometimes we can be our own stumbling block. Think back to when you first attended a meeting, or worked your first step (if you haven’t started yet, then this will be a cautionary tale). I know I was desperate as you could get, my life hung in the balance. I was cut to the core of who I was, because my best thinking and intentions had gotten me to a place so dark and awful that I needed a hand up to survive. And I found not only survival skills, but how to thrive and love my life, for THE FIRST TIME.
But like many relationships and love affairs, sometimes we spend a bit of time in and on our recoveries and start to overthink. And analysis paralysis takes over. I can tell when this is the case for myself or an accountability partner when it seems like we are sharing the same issue over and over, from different angles, and it doesn’t seem to resolve and we aren’t moving beyond it. So then we decide to go back to the beginning, to see if a stone was left unturned, and spend a lot of time digging around, looking at the minutiae of our past.
Now, I truly believe with all my heart that the inventory we do in step 4 must be thorough and complete, but once done, we should be done with it and move on. Amends, forgiveness, and the rest. These steps are for us to move forward with our lives, to keep our present accounts clear, and to help others along the way. The key is willingness to trust the process. I cannot “camp out” on a step and get too caught up in my own head about stuff.
If there is something profound that won’t give up its grip, then it’s time to chat with a professional counselor to see what’s up. I had to do that with my anxiety, because it was so deep-rooted that I could not find a way to release it without help. I encourage anyone in recovery to consider this option if you are struggling with something, anything that will not loosen it’s grip on you.
Trust me, the munge (circular thinking/overthinking) is not your friend. It is the stumbling block that we throw down for ourselves.
Once we release overthink and live in the moment of now, we are free to embrace the idea that our recovery is what God has placed in front of us to deal with. We then rediscover serenity! The ache and fog in our head clears and lifts, and God places peace and soundness of mind within us, because we are willing and submitted to the process. This makes the work of recovery totally worthwhile.
Today, I am grateful that God placed these steps in my life, so I can know peace and joy, and the life that He intended.
Wishing you much love today. Big Hugs!
The munge! I call it the fiend. But I totally relate. No matter what you call it, it’s that inner-voice that drives us insane. It’s true that the voice of reason, the divine sense of direction in us is much quieter. So soft you can barely hear it.