I have had a week. I’m sure many of you have had weeks where it seems like getting to the last work day of your week seemed like the greatest accomplishment of recent memory. This was one of those weeks. Thus, I have not written much, my sincerest apologies dear readers/fellow sojourners.
I have actually had opportunities several times this week to talk with other women who, much like me are long-standing church attending Christians, praying and longing after the abundant and grace-filled life that Christ died and rose to give to each of us. People like I was, who are holding on for dear life to the notion that if I pray more, read the bible more and just keep asking what more I can do, I’ll find a way through. I sank into a despair so deep, I used to wish an asteroid would hurtle itself through space and hit me, ending my misery. I laughed heartily at the line in Holiday Inn, where Bing Crosby’s cook asks him why he mopes around “like a jellyfish with the misery” because I totally was that. Meh.
There is nothing worse that sitting in church and feeling like crap, because you are not “getting it.” If you have been hurt and/or are still in dysfunctional situations,without any tools to deal with them, the message you are hearing will often sound more like condemnation that encouragement. It got to the point where I really didn’t want to go to church. Not because I didn’t love God, but because I couldn’t bear to keep on feeling like a failure for not being able to walk out a spirit-filled life. Why? Because I had no idea how to get from point A (where I was) to point G (where I surmised everyone else was and where I was supposed to be).
True, some people are able to tune right in to the pastor or teacher and grow like weeds in late June. What I’m talking about is those of us who struggle to find our way to the throne room of God, who know Jesus is the King of our hearts, but are not satisfied with just the positional idea of salvation being our fire escape. I want all the rewards and abundant living that God says is mine. No, not a fancy car or a 12-bedroom house, though I wouldn’t say no, ha! I am talking about the richness of wisdom and love, a deepening understanding of who God is and how He works.
Recovery and the steps are our practical road map to the spirit-filled, abundant life. Give them a go. All you have to lose is some time and your misery. Leave it for the jellyfish.
Wishing you a lovely end of the week.