Fighting for purpose

Earlier, we looked at prayer and God’s purpose. And that prayer is meant to be a 2-way conversation between us and God. As we dig more in to what that all means, and spend some more time listening during prayer, sometimes we’ll wonder what we’re to be doing with our lives. I know I do.

When I hit my mid-life crisis, and you don’t have to be a specific age to have one, by the way, I found myself lying in bed, wondering why I should even get up, because all there was to do was to go to work, eat, sleep and do more of the same. I saw no end in sight, except to wonder if I had inherited some awful, nasty terminal illness that would soon manifest or be hit by a car. Yeah, I was a little ray of sunshine.

I had completely lost sight of having a purpose. I was not seeking God’s purpose and my thinking had become futile and locked up in my own head. My dead-end thoughts would roll around in my brain like a marble in a box. I was lost.

Proverbs 29:19 says Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint, but blessed is he who keeps the law.  I had no vision, and I did indeed cast of restraint. Because I had no structure to my thought-life. I had no idea as to why I was still alive, and to what end I had any use, other than being a human ATM to my adult children.  I was adrift. This period of time I refer to as my great relapse, when things spiraled so far out of control I had a hard time later sharing the details in order to complete my 5th step.

But as we become free of shame and regret of our past behaviors, we can listen and talk with God clearly about what it is He has for us to accomplish. When I began to understand all that God had in store for me to get going on in this life, I almost felt as though I did not have enough life left to get it all done. Some days I feel like the hours pass swiftly and the days faster still. I continue to seek what it is I am to do with myself from God Himself, and then discuss it with my circle. I stay plugged into recovery groups, reading literature and committed to continuing to reading the bible and growing that way God wants me to.

But it is a commitment. A decision that is made every day. No one can make that decision for me. Or for you. I can choose to keep my thoughts on the right track, or let them wander to old, destructive places, where toxic sludge can quickly send me and my recovery into a tailspin. But, even if that happens, do I pull the lever and call someone? Do I use my tools? Or do I let it pull me further down? The enemy does not want you to stay focused on your recovery, your calling, your purpose. So be ready to fight, and contend with challenges to this new way of life, because they will come.

A moment at a time if necessary. Just for today. Much love.

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