X = Growth.

It’s a Tuesday. Pi day. And I know I need to scrounge around in my brain and find a way to write something coherent, but I feel kind of spent.

The new job I took several weeks ago has been a big area of growth in this season, to see if I could manage the tasks placed before me as it relates to my work life. I have a job mostly because I need to pay bills and I haven’t gone pro on the blog thing as of yet.

My work day seems to be spent trying to solve for “X”. No, I am not a mathematician but sometimes I think I should be. I have had to come to the place where I accept that I can help people, not fix all their problems. Before recovery, work was horribly difficult for me. I tried to work super-hard (read: workaholic) so that I could fix everything for everyone and be seen as the good guy, or at least the sacrificial martyr type. None of it equaled healthy behavior. Instead, I became resentful, angry and just a pill to be around.

Recovery has instilled in me a realization that, while I can suit up and show up, and do my best, there will be mistakes made, stuff that doesn’t get done and that I can do everything right and still some people may end up unhappy with me. But my job has a specific set of duties assigned to it and when the screens go dark, I leave it there. That means no munging about stuff throughout the evening when I should be spending time with my family, friends or writing about recovery (!).

But I know someday, not too very far in the future, God has plans for this work in recovery he has called me to. And it won’t include what I do now from 9-5. But I submit to His grand design. I will continue to suit up and show up, and do my best. And share with my recovery friends who are in the same field how crazy stuff is, and listen to them, and feel better.

And Friday will be here before you know it!

Hugs to all, hope you are finding balance today.

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