Today went by in a whirl. It seemed that no sooner had my feet hit the carpet under my bed, that I was off and running. One appointment or errand after another, and I still didn’t accomplish all that I had hoped to when the day began. However, I did get to visit with my sponsor, who was visiting from out of state. It was refreshing and lovely to chat. There is a way I feel when we talk, that I just don’t get anywhere else. It’s like whatever I say, she won’t judge or climb on my case, nor will she immediately jump to my defense. Her objectivity and commitment to my recovery is a breath of cool air when I need it most.
Remembering back to when I began recovery, I had quite an ambitious list of to-do’s and a time line to match. I wanted to go to meetings, do my steps and be all done within 6 months. Or less. Preferably less.
I started going to meetings and within a month identified the person who was to become my sponsor. She was no-nonsense and a recovering codependent like me. But unlike me, she called it like she saw it (and still does) without apologies, even if we disagreed, which we did and sometimes still do, but it’s in love, so we’re good.
Mind you, she didn’t start out as my friend. We were friendly, cordial and got along, but her job wasn’t to buddy-up with me. It was to sponsor me. It was to help me see the forest and the trees. Sometimes our best-est friends love us too much to be that brutally honest. They want to be on our side, and let’s face it, we want them on our side. But our sponsor is someone that we want on our recovery side. Someone who is more interested in the long-term gain of health and serenity of our lives, rather than stroking our need to feel like we’re right or justified.
Now, I am not belittling the BFFs out there, and I believe our sponsors can become our friends, as mine has. But because we didn’t start out there, the structure of sponsorship and feedback is more established and I feel that it benefits me to remain with her, versus jumping off to someone new because she is no longer local (which is tough, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried on the way out of the Panera parking lot after our visit).
So, we will continue this journey, as long as she let’s me text, call and visit. And I am grateful for her ongoing influence on my journey. I also know that because of it, I am charged with passing on what I have been given, and presently sponsor two lovely ladies. I also treasure my friends and accountability partners in recovery, you are all precious to me as well.
I feel greatly blessed and loved. Much love and God’s blessings out to all of you also.