It’s a quiet evening, I’m listening to country music on the cable. No, not “young country”, but the old-school stuff. It’s good for writing.

One of the larger steps I took in my recovery, which I continue to re-visit on a regular basis is the subject of forgiveness. That I cannot place sins on “the curve” and say “well, at least I don’t sin as bad as that” and raise my self up. Or, say “gee, I sin way worse than that” and put myself down. Neither helps me or anyone else. It certainly has nothing to do with recovery. When I can’t get past a sin or wrong someone has done me, then I am on dangerous ground.

Unforgiveness  can become like a chip we keep in our back pocket, a little reservation that says “It is my reminder not to let (abc) off the hook” or “just in case you hurt me again, I can pull this out and clobber you with it”. Some offenses are so egregious in the world’s eyes, no one would blame us, and in fact, applaud our retribution as fair and righteous.

When my spouse relapsed, I engaged in some pretty ugly behavior out of anger and spite. And some non-recovery people were supportive of my actions, even though they were destructive, cruel and sinful. Fair really had nothing to do with it.

There has been only one fair and righteous man. And He gave Himself for our “righteous behaviors”.

Part of my recovery is the fervent prayer: Lord Jesus, keep me mindful of Your ways, and not my own twisted thirst for “justice”and payback.

Much love my dear ones.