They say that nothing spoils your Friday like finding out it’s Wednesday. I like the sentiment, and for me, to take it a step further, nothing spoils your sun-filled April day like finding out it’s still January.
As I pulled my espresso shots out of the little coffee maker this morning, I started thinking about another friend. Hmmm…yes, you’re wondering if I am ever going to move beyond friendship and such. I guess at some point I will, but right now God seems to be pulling this up for me to look at, so I feel I must write about it. I’m sure there is a reason, and that someone other than me needs to read this.
I have made friends since entering recovery that, for one reason or another, I very seldom see on a regular basis. Sometimes this is due to geography in that they have moved away, or decide to attend different meetings for different reasons. But we touch base on occasion through social media. Sometimes we bump into each other out and about, and it’s like we were never apart. I am grateful for those of you out there that are scattered far and wide. Then there are those that I just gradually lose track of.
It is these that sometimes get me to thinking in the “old me way” of what did I say, what did I do, why don’t I hear from them anymore, why don’t I see them anymore? I have had even close relationships end this way. And for me, this is tough, because as you may know by now from reading my stuff, I have a really hard time socially. I have generally been afraid to give my true self to others. So when I do give my heart in friendship, it is all in, and if the person hurts me or walks away, I tend to be pretty crushed.
This is an area of recovery that God is now doing business with me on. I read somewhere a while back that some relationships are perennials, and some are annuals. Some are destined to bloom season after season. Others blaze with bright colors for a season, and are gone. Instead of mourning the annual’s mushy leaves that lie in the wet dirt of January, I need to smile with gratefulness at the loveliness of the season that I got to enjoy the colors, and continue to work on cultivating the perennials.
I trust in a God who has my best interest at heart, and I willingly submit to His pruning shears in my life. And though I will have to walk through my feelings of loss and sadness, I know I don’t walk alone, Christ and my basket of perennials is close by my side.
Big Hugs, so glad you are here.