Pride and friendship…

Have been doing some reading on different subjects, and love one author’s observation that “life began in a garden…” and that I so enjoy my little patch of garden space. I can’t wait until the danger of frost is past and I can tend to it properly. Right now, patience is indicated and I must hope for the best under all that mulch.

One thing I love about having been a part of recovery for a while, is my friendships and relationships. I love these folks like family. They are salt and light to my soul, and sometimes when the world or my own futile thinking has me on the ropes, they cheer me up or kick my bum, whatever is needed.

The other night, I was at a church meeting and a lady I’d seen around came up and asked if one of my friends and I were sisters. Mind you, we look NOTHING like each other, but we have shared a lot of ground. That is to say, we are comfortable in each other’s space, and know when to give space. Well, I know when to give her space, because she is much like my spouse, and needs that quiet time alone to recharge. Too much socialization and some folks just kinda look like a video game that has crashed. Over time, I have learned her signals, and she has learned mine, and reaches into my stuff, when I try to run and hide because that is actually part of my illness, my dysfunction, and she knows it. Our mutual respect is built on the love of God, care for each other and truth-telling.

Sometimes, truth-telling is tough. It takes discernment and consideration. If one of my dear friends ask for an opinion and needs feedback from me, I have to sometimes give the less than happy-happy-joy-joy answer. But, it is what I would need to hear in the same situation, and could I do any less?

Sometimes, however, I am “too much a friend” and my love and protectiveness will cloud my objectivity. That’s when I need to admit my bias, and call for reinforcements. I will urge the person to contact someone further outside the matter so that more objectivity can be maintained. If I truly love my friends, I will ask for wisdom before opening up my mouth. I won’t just charge ahead with my own ideas, believing my counsel is 100% spot-on. Because it isn’t. But neither will I shrink away from supporting them and being in their corner. As part of my program, I submit my controlling behavior and pride to God. This is a the victory I have in my recovery from codependency.

So I am grateful today for the insight and discernment that God gives when I seek it.

Have a lovely day my dear ones.

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