It’s a quiet evening, and I am winding down to crawl into bed, hopefully to get some solid sleep, but who am I kidding, once I became a parent, my sleep became permanently altered. I wake just whenever, and getting back to sleep is a bit of a mind trick…I go to a quiet place, and try not to think of anything even remotely productive. I guess we’ll see.
In recovery, we have accountability circles, partners, people in our lives that we trust with very intimate details of who we are. And I am not talking just about factoid, such as my mom used to beat me, or I used to sell drugs. I’m talking about sharing the essence of who we really are, as God meant us to be. Open, true, honest, pure of heart. It’s hard to get to a place where we show this most tender place to people. Sometimes it’s not even something we’ve shown to our spouse, family or those we have loved. But in recovery, we find the safety to be authentic. This loveliness is breathtaking. It makes the hassle of getting off my couch to go to a meeting, to do the work, worth the miracle that happens.
I feel like I have an unspoken contract with my recovery family, to love and watch out for them, in a healthy way. That is to speak up and ask the questions that need to be if I see something amiss, even risking a brusque answer or outright brush off. Because I would expect no less from them. We are on this journey together. And tonight, I feel like I have not stepped up for one of my dear sisters in recovery.
Needless to say, I am now wracked with guilt that I should have spoken up and been bold. I allowed the busyness and distraction of life to get in the way with someone who had been there for me. I know that I need to now channel these feelings into a constructive force for change, in my life and to express it out to those I am accountable to. So here it is. Me being open, sorry, and with eyes and heart open, ready to move forward to do better next time.
I am my sister’s (and brother’s) keeper. In God’s love, as His hands and feet. As we all are.
“Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up.
But if someone is alone… there is no one to help him… Two men can resist an attack that would defeat one man alone. “ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, GNB
Much to consider. In prayer tonight. Hugs to us all.