Cloudy morning, but a little sunny too. Rain on the way is what’s called for on the telly, but I won’t be getting in a twist about it, not after the glorious week or two we’ve had of late. Besides, as the old proverb goes, all sun makes a desert.
But sitting here, enjoying some breakfast and my homemade espresso shot, I am suddenly missing the church fellowship we were privileged to be a part of in our early recovery. Recovery does tell us not to look back too much, lest we be caught up in our grief and sadness over lost things, when we need to concentrate on things in the present. But I acknowledge my humanity, and the fact that, from time to time, I will experience sadness over things that have come and gone, things that “had their time” in my life.
This particular gathering was present in my life right before and as I entered my recovery from codependency and eating disorders. I really didn’t want to be around anyone, but needed people desperately. It was here I was prompted to seek a meeting, and was chaperoned by one of the members to make sure I attended my first real meeting to address my ongoing pain and dysfunction. Honestly, I was like a walking billboard of “I really need help, but have too much ego and hurt to really ask for it.”
Things at this fellowship were never perfect, in fact, they were pretty crazy sometimes and we all rolled with it… mostly because we knew that we weren’t perfect either, so that was really okay. And then, it ended. You could say it had its season. The season changed, and we moved on. And I miss it, truly, but I am no longer in that season either. So I feel the sadness, and, just like a friend that I will not likely see again, I give it a hug and send it on its way. The Big Book states “We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. ”
It’s that way with anything in our past. No regrets, no avoidance, but we don’t live there either. It’s a tricky balance, for sure. I am thankful for my past because it’s pieces and parts contribute to who I am in the present.
So, I guess, out of remembrance, comes gratitude. Love it. Thanks God!
Have a lovely day everyone.