Blue Monday

Today was actually pretty nice for being a bit damp, it did let up a little, and we may see some snow tomorrow. My poor plants are dormant. And the xmas lights have finally come off the house.

To say I have the January unemployment blues would be an understatement. Every day is a struggle to stay engaged in hoping that the job God wants me to have is right around the corner. Every group I attend is another opportunity for me to confess my struggle and how long it’s been since I got laid off. It’s all getting tiresome.

So I am placing this squarely where it needs to be. In God’s infinitley capable hands. I will quit munging* about it, and believe that He does have a plan, that His timing is right on, and that I need to continue to suit up, show up and be me. That’s my job right now. Writing this blog is my job right now. Being a good wife/mom/grammy and whatever else I am, is my job right now.

Because why? Because I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself, and if I were my friends, I would be tired hearing me feeling sorry for myself. Don’t get me wrong. My friends and family in recovery are awesome people. But they are also working their program and trying to stay healthy. I want to be a part of that picture, not the kid that walks around with the rain cloud over his head. God did not create me or any of us to live in such perpetual gloom and ho-hum. Spring may not have sprung yet, but it needs to spring forth in my heart regardless.

Thank you dear friends for being so patient with this process and the journey we’re on. I know it gets bumpy and a little rough at times…and sometimes I may have to crawl under the bed. But I promise to come back out a little faster evey time, because that’s what recovery is all about…it’s not perfection, but progress toward better, and more good and lovely than otherwise.

Much love to all. Heart

 

*munge = kind of like to chew over, ruminate or roll around in one’s head

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