Today was supposed to be a no-sugar day. Invited out to friends for supper and, poof, there in front of me were chocolate chunks of cake for dessert. Well, as you might imagine, my resolve went out the window and the cake went into my mouth. There is always tomorrow though.
I was sharing with some newer friends tonight some of my life challenges, and on the way home mentioned to my spouse that I sometimes don’t realize all the things I have stepped through to arrive at where I am now. And those things, along with some predispositions and God’s grace, shaped me into the person I am at this moment.
I have watched codependency, selfishness, addiction and just plain crazy surround me for all my life, but one thing has never left me. That is the gentle loving presence of God. He was there when I felt alone and frightened as a child of an addict, He was there when I lost my children to the court through a misunderstanding and was heartbroken. He was there, holding my hand as I watched 2 of my children descend into addiction, and jumped with me for joy at the recovery of one. He was there when I stood on the brink of allowing an eating disorder to take my life, because I just didn’t care anymore. God has been the ONLY constant in the ever-changing picture in my world.
If the only thing that is the end of the world, is the end of the world, I know He is standing there waiting for me. In the midst of the worst thing that can happen, He knows already how we’re going to walk through it and come out the other side; wiser, stronger and with more faith from the experience.
If you, like me, have walked through the deepest valleys, or are there right now, be still. Ask God to come near and draw you close. Rest for a moment in His love, therein lies the strength to carry you forward, the darkness cannot last forever.
I am not quite sure why God led me to write this entry tonight, but He knows who needs to read it and why. You are all precious, and loved. Thank you my dear friends, for joining me on this journey.