Still cold. Like, really cold. But sunny too, and that’s really nice. I like that a lot more than gray, gray, gray. 😎
Spent time with a friend today, and got to share some of my progress. I found that I am quite passionate about my healing and my journey. Our conversation was about a number of things, and I was able to identify some items that I will need to work on with respect to my relationships and unaddressed resentments and hurts. But God is gracious; he knows that time takes time.
When I first started my journey, I sat down with my sponsor and told her “so, let’s get going on this, I need to be better in about 4-6 months and get on with my life”. What I came to realize through the process of recovery was that it IS a process, not a “one and done” or a destination. I don’t get to just be “fixed” or “all better”. We all live in a broken world, with other broken people in various states of repair just like we are, and to expect to just “fix up and be all better” is the kind of thinking that got us into the fix we’re in. I know it brought me to recovery, looking for the magic bean, the bibbity-bobbity-boo. ✨
However, as I can attest, recovery is not like that. At all. Thankfully. Because my brain needed time to heal, my attitude time to change and I needed to make friends and family with a whole new group of people, because most of the folks that had been part of my pre-recovery world would not make the journey with me into recovery. If it happened instantaneously as I had initially hoped, it would have blown my flippin’ circuits. No, God knew that I would need the cleansing journey of recovery. That I still need it and it continues to minister to me. And, in ways that likely I am not even aware of.
It is coming time to start on another resentment but as I have found, it cannot be rushed or forced. It will bubble up and I need to be willing. My only prayer is that I remain flexible and patient with the process. I am grateful for where I am now, and give thanks for all of you out there that continue on this journey with me.
Much love and hugs my dear friends.