Cloudy, colder, November has set in.

The song goes “I’m no longer a slave to fear, for I am a child of God…”. This is running through my head during my prayer and mediation time this morning as I sit, pen in hand but not much coming up.

In the recovery group I am a part of, the 6th principle states:

Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others when possible, except when to do so would harm them or others.

This is based off the AA steps 8 and 9. It is an ongoing process that is like maintenance. Because of the people I live with, am acquainted with and just bump into every day are human (mostly), I need this principle. Notice, it says evaluate. This is different that analyze. When I analyze, I tend to go in circles, and not actually do much of anything about what I was looking at.  We used to call this analysis paralysis. The munge, if you will. But evaluate is done with the intention of action. If I don’t act as the second part of the principle tells me to, then I stay in the munge and I become blocked; my prayer and meditation time becomes muddled and I feel like I am wandering around in a fog.

Also noted in this principle is do no harm. When I am unable to square it away directly because of extenuating circumstances, then I look for creative ways to release this resentment or amends, whether that’s with an accountability partner, through a letter that is never sent or other means. Sponsors are great for coming up with creative ideas on this front. The main point here is not to get stuck. Start with lifting this in prayer.

This morning has been filled with gratitude. I am thankful that God allows me to come to Him and release my resentments and anger. That I can visualize each person and release my claim of retribution or payback. I am confident that God has a plan to bring about changes in my life as well as theirs. Because as angry or as hurt as I might be about something done to me or mine, I can only see part of the picture. God sees the whole thing; front, back, side to side. He knows the action to take, or not to take. That’s why this step is so important. For my peace, for the other person’s growth, that God may or may not allow me to ever see. It’s okay either way, because God has reassured me, “I’ve got this” and that allows me to let go.

And, big exhale.

Have a lovely weekend.