It started off pretty mucky around here. Dark, cold rainy. Definitely flannel shirt weather. But now the sun has peeped out from behind the clouds, and although the air is still a bit nippy, the colors of autumn are in bright celebration of it’s arrival.
I attended a meeting last night, and as per usual, I listened to the speaker’s story of depravity and redemption. The road taken is rarely a straight path, but usually filled with side roads and detours of all sorts. I found myself doing as I usually do, looking around or thinking of people that come to mind that should be taking in the speaker’s message of how God did such and so, or how the person learned through messing up, or fill-in-the-blank.
This morning, as I spent some quiet time, I tried to remember what the talk had been about, as I read some comments made about it in social media. Truth was, I had a hard time coming up with more than one or two points, even though it lasted over 30 minutes. Immediately, I felt the surge of conviction, that I had been so consumed with applying the message to people around me, I had neglected to apply the message to myself and the situation in front of me.
You see, God reminded me it’s His job to convict the ears present into hearing His message. It’s our job to be willing to receive the message He wants us to absorb. Not “make sure” that someone else gets the point that we think they should. When I sit in judgement of someone else’s behavior in that way, and start to believe I have the inside track on what will “fix” them right up, I have crossed a line. I am now engaging in fixing behavior, even though the “fix-ee” doesn’t realize it. It is still damaging me and my recovery to indulge in this mental exercise. Why? Because that is “should-ing upon” someone. Controlling behavior at it’s ugliest.
And, we arrive at one of the main reasons I entered recovery. Control behavior nearly cost me my sanity. But recovery shows me a new path. It is not to control people or things. It is to submit control of these things, including myself, to God. He can sort it out, as to the shoulds and should nots. It is my job to let Him. I am truly grateful that my heart remains willing and able to be convicted of these defects of pride. Thank you Lord Jesus.
Have a lovely Saturday my friends. Much love and big hugs!