We had a beautiful morning and afternoon, but the rain soon returned, along with cooler temperatures. The ground is wet and sponge-y, and if the wind blows, it will push the trees out of the wet ground. I am hopeful things will dry out a bit before the rain really socks in again.
I attended a meeting last night, and revisited the concept of inventory and confession. To release and submit the hurts that hold me back. But this is a process. When I started recovery, I first had to admit I had issues that I wasn’t handling well….or at all. My spouse had turned away from me, and I felt emotionally adrift. I watched TV, shopped, ate and initiated questionable relationships, all in an effort to escape a life that I couldn’t seem to face. The noise filled my head and distracted me from problems that I felt were just too big to manage.
Finally, I couldn’t run any more. I broke, like a glass dropped on concrete. There were so many pieces I didn’t know how I would ever be put back together again. And who would even care? My parents were gone, and most everyone I knew was done with me and my out of control behavior. I was at the bottom.
Entering recovery in total humility and brokenness, I was able to find friends, who after a time became like family to me. Who love and care. Who watch out for me and will be truthful to my face, not talk behind my back. With love, honor and respect at the heart of the matter, releasing any idea of judgement or knee-jerk fixing reaction. They are a mirror to help me see the patterns of behavior that hold me captive to old habits. This is the magic bean of recovery fellowship.
Sitting at home and reading tons of literature, cruising the web and reading blogs like mine are a good start, but no one recovers in a closet. Recovery starts in our hearts and minds, but must move beyond our insides to include our peeps, our fellows, our squad, if you will. If you don’t have a circle of trusted friends, start going to meetings. You will find people you connect with, like I did. As I remain willing to be changed, this process benefits me, as well as my friends. It is circular, reciprocal. I am expected to participate in like fashion with them also. This helps me grow, and and gives us all hope for the journey toward wholeness.
Well, more on this in another entry, but if any of this has struck a chord with you where you are at, I encourage you to start your journey. And truthfully, it may take some time to find the right fit as far as meetings go, but be persistent. You’re worth it.
Enjoy your Saturday! Wishing you great joy…