And, here we are. It’s earrrrrly. I woke up and could not get back to sleep. The last few days have been a bit of a challenge as I have been off sugar, but caved ever so slightly last night and had a serving of vanilla ice cream. It is 2 grams of fat,  4 grams of sugar per serving, versus 14 grams of sugar for Breyer’s. Plus, it packs a 6-gram protein punch and you feel really full after a serving, not like you need to consume the entire pint (thanks but no thanks Ben & Jerry’s). If you are at all like me, and you get a sweet craving but don’t want to go totally off the rails, it may be an option for those not dairy-sensitive.

It’s been said that we teach others how to treat us in how we treat ourselves. If we don’t treat ourselves well, such as poor self-care, hideous internal dialogue that tears us down, and accepting crumbs from the world, then others will get the idea that we are okay with poor treatment.

I have been trying to get into the gym at least every other day. Before you know it, I’ll be back at my conditioning program as well. I know I feel better and have a much better outlook on life when I treat myself well, and like I am worthy of being cared for, rather than like some kind of low-rent apartment with a drippy faucet and a rat problem.

When I can’t even muster up the courage to look in the mirror and tell myself that I am loved by God, that I am precious and that I matter, then I am on shaky ground. I am open to allowing others to set the value on my worth. Pretty soon, I am back to where I was in 1988, washing the same set of clothes every night, wearing them to work every day and not even caring, because I was so depressed. I literally had no will to live, but no will to do anything about it either. I existed. I allowed my ex-spouse to treat me with disdain and contempt, because that’s pretty much how I treated myself. There were many signs and opportunities for me to take hold of the God-shaped tools there in my life. But, by buying in to helplessness and self-pity, I had allowed myself to become so sunk in my stuff, in my depression, I could no longer see my way out. God Himself delivered me with His awesome hand, and in a very pain-filled way. But I was delivered.

Now, with the tools of recovery firmly buckled around my waist, I do my best to keep my face forward, and allow God and others to speak into my life. To support me when I feel weak. We all still walk in a broken world, and there are parts of me that are still quite vulnerable to the cloud of self-pity and helplessness. But now, I feel God and His Spirit right there with me. I no longer walk the darkness alone, and it doesn’t stay dark for long.

So grateful for recovery and the light it shines in my life. There is hope and light out there. I am living proof.

Walking in the warmth of love 💕, sending it off to you.