It was a rainy and cold day. The rain was a bit sporadic. And I bounded out of bed with purpose, after having spent the night trying to figure out why I was so discontented.
Usually, when we are discontented with something in our lives, it speaks to something that is wrong or discordant inside us. Also, that I am trying to run the show. I need to desperately and completely remember to remind myself “thy will be done”. That is to say, that I am seeking greater things, that only God can bring about.
My word picture for this is standing with my arms out to either side, with steel spheres about the size of tennis balls suspended over my palms. These spheres represent the cares and responsibilities of this world. They are proximate to me, but hovering ever so close to my open hand. The moment I become anxious and close my hand around the sphere, it’s weight pulls my arm and body downward. It is only when I release the sphere does it once again hover and my arm and hand are free. God wants me to trust Him to keep the sphere suspended and close by. But He reminds me every time I try to grasp it that I was never meant to take hold of it and control the situation.
Recovery, the sanctified and healthy life is a choice. No matter what our outer circumstances are, our thought life is a choice that we make every moment; do I grasp hold of something that was never meant for me to carry? Is it any wonder I feel like I am being sucked down a drain pipe with no escape from that pull of the weight of my circumstance?
I get it. Trusting is hard. Especially if everyone you’ve ever loved has hurt you in excruciatingly unbelievable ways. But God loves you, is for you and will never leave you.
You matter to Him, and we’re all in this together. Much love, my good friends.