Calm before the storm

Enjoying the last of the sunny fall weather. Tomorrow a great storm is supposed to blow into town with all its beauty and fury, but it’s not here yet. So I am enjoying the warmth in my hair and the breeze against my face. Snapping pictures of my colorful flowers while I can.

I can’t control the weather. I can’t control how my plants will respond to the weather; they have their natural ebb and flow. Just as I do. I can, however make decisions that they don’t have the ability to as stationary organisms.

In my relationships I think a lot on my responses to people around me. I have in the past tried controlling others behavior by using manipulation, such as silence, sarcasm, and other dysfunctional ways of trying to maintain my perception of safety and security. But this only serves really to distance me from others and to obscure the problems in my own heart.

The real issue lies in how I respond (or don’t) to the circumstances around me and the condition of my own heart and the ongoing hurt and pain that I leave unaddressed. I can push my pain to the side, I can stuff it down, I can pretend it doesn’t exist or, I can blame it on others. All things that I have all done in the past, causing yet even more pain.
The only workable solution is to face my pain, face my heartache, face my faults, and deal with it a piece at a time; molecule at a time if necessary, and to not stop until the job is done, until my heart no longer hurts, and I in turn, have healthier relationships with others.

Yes, this is a lifelong commitment to the recovery process. I am a lifer in this. Because to live any other way is to go back into the darkness. And I refuse. No matter what’s going on around me, I can choose to live in the light, in the open, in the sunshine, even if the storms are forecast to rip the trees clean out of the ground. My feet can stand in the sun shiny grass.

Wishing you a blessed day. Much love.

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