It’s been more fall-like today. The leaves are more umber, the air crisper and I feel a bit more melancholy. I have to try and move my way through these feelings of sadness and anger. The weather and my lack of a job is not helping.
I keep wondering if this is just how things are. That we just have to keep moving from one challenge to the next, regardless of the specifics, because in the end, a challenge is still an obstacle to be overcome. I can never become too complacent in my belief that things will move smoothly along. Because it’s just not real life. Real life is muddy, icky and sucks. The good stuff is what happens in between all the suck-y stuff. And there is a lot of it.
But I am still choosing to be grateful for the love of my recovery family. I am choosing to work my steps and hold fast to the idea that peace and serenity only comes with my willingness to surrender to God’s will in my life. And that may have little to do with my plans or comfort. I have to choose to trust. Or not. If I choose my own way, the suffering may halt in the short term, but it is only a pause. If I submit to the changes He wants to make, then we get the suffering over with and move into growth. At least that’s the plan.
Right now, I just want to curl up and let the warmth of sleep overtake me and gain some respite from how I feel. I know I need to travel through my feelings; it just seems like an arduous task to even consider right now. Ah-ha! I think I will head to the gym and give myself a time-out. This will allow my spirit time to breathe. Time to exhale some of the harder lessons of the day. Yup, so that’s my plan.
So thankful for you, my good friends, for traveling this little journey with me. I so appreciate your willingness to hang. Much love as we wrap up this Saturday together.
Have a lovely evening.