Service work and connection…

Lovely day, and it was a day to volunteer for my friends and family. I had felt “enough” with sitting on my tukas at home. So off I went, and I feel a bit tired tonight due to possibly overdoing a little.

But it just shows me that I need to keep pushing my activity level up.  It was good to spend time talking to some of my recovery circle as well. I had been feeling a little perplexed about not being included socially into some of the interactions in our recovery meeting fellowships. So I carefully considered what was different now about who I am,than when I first entered recovery and the ease at which I found camaraderie.

Oddly enough, it seems that the old saying is true. Misery loves company. And if you aren’t as miserable (or perceived as miserable) as the group, you don’t tend to fit in as easily. Not that you can’t, but it’s a little trickier. Glad that I have my recovery tools to walk me through these feelings and situations.

As a young child, my family moved often and I was in new places every 6 months or so and had to try and fit in and make friends over and over again. This was tough and I possessed little social skills to make the road easier on myself. Instead, I would isolate and feel persecuted. I was a prime target for bullying and got picked on a lot. School was pretty awful until I became a junior in high school and people started leaving me pretty much alone.  I had a few close friends and had become a bit eccentric, so that made me a less attractive target for the bullies.

As an adult, bullying looks different. As a young mother, I was bullied often by older mothers and teachers; that is, made to feel small and worthless as a parent because of my age and inexperience. I already felt inferior, no one had to remind me I was young and had a lot to learn. Nowadays, no one bullies me, but sometimes I still feel a bit awkward socially. Initiating conversations does not come easy to me and I struggle with new situations and being comfortable. It is so very important for me to stay active in my recovery. It has really been the largest growth factor in helping me get over some of this awkwardness.

I have a-ways to go, but I’ll keep on trying. Have a wonderful evening.

G’night.

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