Here it is, Friday morning and I didn’t write yesterday, at all. It was probably a good decision, due to the fact I felt like I had been run over by a cement truck. So there would have been a lot of whining and grumbling. Not that it’s not ok to do that from time to time, but it would have been excessive, even for me. I still feel a bit crinkly, but the sun is shining and I am feeling back on track after a successful sugar fast yesterday.
Went to a meeting last night, and again feel blessed that I have traveled the road I have, even though it hasn’t been easy. I need to remind myself that I did the best I could with what I had at the time, which wasn’t all that much. I realized from listening to someone share that I was likely depressed much of my young life and didn’t know how to express it. Depression and anxiety are family traits and I just thought it was normal to always feel like you needed something, like food, shopping, drama or something else to make life better. I don’t recall knowing how to be content or even what that meant.
Recovery teaches me that even though I want to continue to grow and deal with the onion, and that I am not finished by any means, I can still find things to be grateful for and find contentment in the here and now. In fact, this is an imperative. I used to think discontentment was caused by a lack of something external. I have come find that actually it is something amiss with me. If I cannot be content in my present circumstance, then there is something I need to address within myself and my relationship with God. Acceptance and contentment in my present circumstance is a required element to prepare me for the next step in my growth with Christ in my recovery and sanctification.
I understand this is a lot to unpack. But if you are working your steps, it comes. And it is such a comfort to me as I go through times of testing or uncertainty. I just recall the miracles that I’ve seen or been a part of, and rest assured that God is not finished with me yet.
Well, much to do today, so must get along. Have a lovely day.