Happy Monday. It was a holiday for some, and a day to get things caught up for many of us. For me, I did not want to just sit at home, wishing I had plans, so I invited myself over to some friends house to play scrabble and while away the hours. Lots of fun, good conversation and way too much munching! Oy!
In getting ready for the day, and sipping my coffee, I recalled to my spouse that I had a moment of clarity yesterday with respect to the path I had traveled over the years. Certainly I could cry out many times over that my life was not fair, and that God was absent or chose to look away during times of trial and heartbreak, times of severe testing that sometimes were of my own doing, sometimes not. But instead, I pulled back, and asked God for His take, His wisdom.
First, I am certain of His love, of His kindness and that without His intervention in my life as a child I would not have survived to be where I am today. I was on my own, in a home filled with craziness and chaos, darkness and no real truth. I experienced what author Pia Melody describes in her book The Intimacy Factor as a dismissing of my nascent reason. When I was very young, I could identify what was true by seeing it, and calling it for what it was. But when the adults around me found my observations inconvenient, they brushed it off or re-framed it, causing me to doubt my ability to know or observe truth in my world. When there is no center, or north star in your world, you feel upside down and turned around a lot. Christ was a compass, a tether, a protector. In time, He became my Savior and so much more.
The answer for me is unfolding as follows. As each of us is free to choose their own path without coercion, there will be consequences. To us, to those that surround us. Some we intend, some unforeseen. But there, just the same. These can cause anger, bitterness and separation from God in our hearts. I see my path as a training ground of sorts. If I had been spared all the consequence of my poor decisions or the pains and sorrows of the trials of this world, I would not be who I am today, ready and fit for service and able to empathize with others. It has allowed me to grasp the mercy and grace that Christ extends. To know the depths at which I can, and have sunk when I let anger and rage control my actions.
So to use the argument that “a loving God would never…”as an argument against His existence kind of falls flat. It isn’t He that is being tested and tried, it is we.
So actually, I feel really blessed to be here at this point. I have most all my marbles, and don’t wear my underwear on the outside of my clothing. So, that’s good. I have plenty of room for improvement. I want to do a lot of things still, and hope to organize myself enough to get them going. And even when I’m not certain which end is up, I know that I rest in God’s hand. And that’s okay too.
G’night sweet friends, have a lovely evening.