Today’s reading in step 1 is centered on the fact that most of my struggles with my health stem from self-will run riot. There is no way to address this colossal amount of selfishness except with dependence on God. My selfishness is rooted in a lifetime of feeling like there was always a lack of justice in the world, that somehow the scales were tipped away from me.
It began, as I recall as I looked at a picture of my parents on their wedding day, looking quite glamorous and thinking that they must’ve brought the wrong child home from the hospital. I had no hope, as the ugly duckling felt in the pond of swans. My self-esteem was low to absent, and I defaulted to self-deprecation, sealing my own fate and allowing myself to be treated poorly because I believed I deserved it. This caused a deep pit of resentment to develop, allowing selfishness and bitterness to flourish.
These are the old tapes, the disk space that I must overwrite and update with the service pack RECOVERY 2.0 which, in dependence on my creator God, says that I am precious, beloved and beautiful. Of course I can listen to this all day and night, but it is still a choice to believe it and make it a part of who I am; who God says I am.
No sugar since Tuesday, continuing to use up the pea protein (yum!) shake and will be getting in my exercise tomorrow before I have a chance to get too busy or make some excuse as to why I am not getting enough activity in. Good night dear friends, thank you for letting me share this journey. God bless, wherever you are.